The Limiting Belief That Held Me Back for Years

We all have limiting beliefs that subconsciously influence what we think we can and cannot do. Today I’m sharing the back-story and impact of a significant limiting belief I recently uncovered:

I start things but don’t finish them.

How the Limiting Belief Came to Be

Somewhere around three years into my Human Resources career the comments and jokes started about my frequent job changes.

Oh, you’re starting a new position? Why am I not surprised! How long did you last in that other position?

Oh, a new position! Sounds about right…. How long do you think you’ll make it this time?!

And I couldn’t argue, really. I started my first HR position at the beginning of 2007. In May 2011 I accepted an offer for my first leadership role at my third company.

I was surrounded by many former coworkers, close friends, and a partner (now husband) who were employed by the same companies when I first started HR in 2007. My job changes stood out among my social network.

This was also during a time where employers had the luxury of placing emphasis on tenure when evaluating job applicants. Companies would quickly rule out candidates who had a history of “job-hopping.” In fact, the second company I worked for even had a written statement in the recruiting procedures about eliminating candidates who didn’t have at least 3-4 years of tenure at their current employer. Yet, they hired me…

My job changes made sense to me though, which I used to reassure myself. I tried different roles and different types of organizations (corporate vs. non-profit). Once I transitioned into leadership, I learned even more about the work I enjoyed and the work I didn’t. I also tried out being a people manager. This was all good information, right?

Why shouldn’t I make changes if I could and thought it would improve my overall job satisfaction and happiness? Afterall, I was the one voluntarily putting myself through the stressful rollercoaster ride (IYKYK) of job searching and interviewing. All while trying to maintain my current workload.

I believed I’d find the “right” role for me and settle in. That is not how my career journey unfolded, however. I continued to move into bigger HR leadership roles every ~2 years, expanding the scope, managing more people, and increasing my anxiety. That is until 2017 when I experienced a quarter life crisis and made the intentional decision to leave leadership for an individual contributor role (which I quit three years later).

I didn’t realize though to what extent I internalized the underlying message of the job-hopping jokes over the years.

Sure I could laugh along and brush off the jokes in the moment. But unconsciously I allowed the underlying message to shape what I believed about myself.

I start things but don’t finish them.

And please don’t get me wrong. My past coworkers, friends, family, husband, etc. are all wonderful people who love and support me. They didn’t mean any ill-will. I am responsible for my interpretation of the jokes and how it shaped by beliefs.

Identifying the Limiting Belief

So how did I uncover this deeply held limiting belief?

Through the course of a life design program I went through at the end of 2023, I identified one-on-one coaching as an experiment I wanted to pursue. The final session of the program focused on writing down as many limiting beliefs as we could about the experiment. Basically, what limiting beliefs would prevent us from starting this experiment?

As a reminder, limiting beliefs frequently hold us back from starting/doing things.

The third limiting belief I wrote down was:

I never stick to anything. This [the coaching experiment] is just the flavor of the week.

Ouch, tough crowd in that head of mine!

I remember feeling the gravity of what I wrote down at a visceral level, like I had been punched in the stomach.

Unraveling the Limiting Belief

The ironic part (in life, in general actually) about knowing yourself better is that once you identify something from the depths of your subconscious, things become clearer on how you can deal with it. Getting it out in the open helped remove some of it’s power over me so I could start dealing with it.

Once this limiting belief was out in the open it was time to test it, to see if I truly believed it on a logical, rational level.

To test the limiting belief, I start things but don’t finish them, I asked myself questions:

What does it mean to “finish” something? Spend the rest of my life in a job no longer serving me because we have to finish what we start?
Am I supposed to “finish” things that I no longer enjoy just because I started?
Who decided we have to “finish” things we start, and why?
What else in my life would I have avoided starting if I was afraid I’d always have to “finish” it?

Basically the underpinning of this limiting belief was don’t be a quitter. And, turns out I was quite a good quitter.

Who decided it was necessarily a bad thing to quit something?

There are many things in my life I would never have experienced if I didn’t have the option to change my mind: all the different people I’ve worked with at various organizations, being a leader, learning what work energized me, meeting my now husband, travel, RV life, my sabbatical, this blog, getting involved in the FI community, starting my coaching business, and on…

To live life, we have to start things. Give them a try. And in my experience the more we start things the more we learn about ourselves and what we want to do; the people we want to be. And when we learn more about ourselves and what we truly enjoy, we give ourselves the gift of living a more meaningful life.

Why? Because we can focus on what we enjoy, and can let external influences and opinions fall away. Truly, the path becomes clearer.

I slowly chipped away at this limiting belief through asking questions and pondering what I truly believed.

What I Believe Now

After much processing, I see where my limiting belief held me captive at times, stalling any progress available to me.

This is especially true when I think about how long I stayed captive in my HR career. Internally I assured myself as long as I remained in HR I was “finishing what I started.” I fought hard against releasing my HR career because doing so would confirm what everyone joked about for years. I start things but don’t finish them.

My limiting belief was also a big reason why I delayed starting a coaching business. I had an entire year off work in 2023, a perfect time to try new things. Yet I was scared to try new things because I desperately wanted to choose my next thing “correctly.” I didn’t want to start something and quit, yet again.

Now though, I truly believe my willingness to try new things, take (calculated) risks, and make change is actually a good thing.

There are so many incredible opportunities, people, experiences, etc. I’ve had as a result of my tendency to try new things and welcome change. My attitude now is no harm in trying new things and experimenting, only the opportunity to learn and adjust moving forward.

Since then I find myself quitting things faster with less remorse…

Start a book I’m not into? Okay, on to the next one.

Start a blog post I’m not energized about? Back to the drawing board.

Meet a potential client and have a gut reaction it’s not the right match? There’s a better person out there to provide the support they need.

I’ve also used boundaries to allow me to try things with a built in exit strategy (rule #1: know thyself). For example, last year I did a few paid consulting projects for people I know personally and did not want to disappoint. In the discussions prior to doing the work, I ensured there was an agreed upon, clear outcome to indicate the project was complete. This way I had the opportunity to give myself an out if additional work was available and I wasn’t interested.

My journey of identifying and unraveling this limiting belief has been eye opening.

Here is my question to you:

What limiting beliefs are keeping you stuck?

I hope in sharing my story you are empowered to examine your own limiting beliefs and give yourself an opportunity to rewrite the script!

Related Blog Posts:

• How Small Life Experiments Can Unlock Change
• How to Prevent All-or-Nothing Thinking from Sabotaging Your Life