In November 2022 I decided it was time to quit my job after 15 years in Human Resources.
Just Logistics
It’s pretty simple, the quitting part. Just logistics really. I emailed my manager and explained I was resigning my role. I followed that up with a formal resignation letter. We reminisced about the good times and the challenges over the years. I had an exit interview, and received information regarding my benefits. I scheduled a time to return the company equipment (see ya later, second phone!). On my last day I hugged my manager and I drove away, sans job.
But the real question is, how did I get to this moment when I quit my job?
My Rollercoaster Ride: How I got Here
A Career is Born
You see, I ended up in Human Resources by happenstance. I went to college for a degree in Psychology. I thought I’d be a therapist or counselor. Something like that. As I neared graduation, I took the tests to get into graduate school and interviewed with various colleges. When it was all said and done, I had two options in front of me. One, go into a Masters program for counseling, at a school I did not like. Or two, a Masters program in Industrial-Organizational Psychology, which I knew nothing about. “Business psychology,” one of my mentors had explained. Honestly I don’t even remember applying to the second school.
Despite what I thought about my path during my undergraduate years, I could not envision myself in the counseling program. So, I declined.
My mindset was focused on graduate school though, so I said, “Why not… Let’s try this out,” to the I-O Psychology program. I met with an advisor for the I-O program and enrolled for classes. It’s crazy to think back on how this all transpired.
As I started full-time classes, I learned others in the program worked frequently in Human Resources roles. I started applying for every entry-level HR role I could find, scouring the “Jobs” section of newspapers (can you believe it!) and online search engines (CareerBuilder.com was hot at the time!). I recall being interviewed about acronyms such as FMLA, FLSA, ERISA, HIPAA, COBRA, etc. and my response was something to the effect of, “I’m a quick learner,” because everything HR-related was new to me.
In early 2007, I landed a role in a nonprofit organization as their HR Coordinator. I had an “in” at the organization, which is probably the only reason I got the job. I worked full-time during the day, and then went to classes full-time during the evenings (6p-9p, 3 days per week). My HR career was taking off!
You’ll Dead-End Your Career, Kid!
Okay so here’s the thing about me. I’m a job hopper. Yes, way before it was deemed acceptable or even desirable. Does that make me a trend setter…?
One of the biggest “mistakes” I thought I was making earlier in my career was changing roles every 2-3 years. During that time recruiters put an emphasis on candidates who had longevity, not a variety of roles and experiences. The funny part is, somehow that didn’t stop me. While my friends and I made jokes about my job-hopping, I was secretly afraid my career would dead-end, eventually. But that didn’t happen.
However, the messages around my job hopping led me to develop a pretty serious limiting belief about myself...
I supported HR Managers at a Fortune 500 company, which led to a promotion into a Compensation role. That turned out to be the biggest bust ever! From there I made a big leap into a nonprofit leadership role. I outgrew that role quickly, and transitioned into a HR Director role at a larger nonprofit. That was by far my favorite leadership role. I learned so much about the power of relationships, but overtime the role was too focused on recruiting for my liking. So I networked and found a new role leading the HR function and managing a team to support 400+ employees.
Every 2-3 years I made a change. I moved up, moved over, took pay cuts, increased my pay, increased my responsibilities, participated in unique leadership development opportunities, and expanded my network. I did all this while honing my skills and learning a ton along the way, including what I enjoyed and did not enjoy. The truth was I needed variety and I liked change.
What Have I Gotten Into?
My career was humming along. Then in 2016 I found myself in a top HR leadership role managing the HR function and a team for a complex nonprofit organization in flux. I experienced a lot of challenges from the beginning. I struggled to retain a key position on my team. It was truly impossible to get adequate resources for the HR function. Office politics were quite brutal. It didn’t help that I was youngest person on the leadership team.
Stress and high anxiety were normal for me in my other roles, but wowzers, I began experiencing a whole new level. I assured myself it was normal to experience increased stress and anxiety because of the level of the position I was in. I tried hard to accept my reality, pushing away the warning signals my body gave me.
As time progressed, the stress and anxiety intensified. I’d start crying on my way to work. I was having great difficulty sleeping. I would burst into tears during evenings and weekends. Weekends were not a break, just more time to stew over what was coming the next week. I felt like I was drowning. I could not stop thinking about work.
In October 2018 I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. Several things occurred around this time, pushing me over the edge. Despite working so hard to get where I was, I wasn’t happy in the leadership role. I started to realize I needed to listen to my intuition instead of pushing it away. I wanted to leave leadership.
This was no longer a life I wanted to live, no matter the title or compensation. I went to my husband and told him I needed to quit my job around the beginning of 2019, whether I had another job lined up or not. My husband was supportive. It was scary, but we knew we would figure things out.
We discovered the FIRE movement around this time, and knew our finances were in good shape even if I didn’t have a job for a period of time (read more about that here).
A Career Pivot
At this point, I knew a couple of key things.
One, I wanted an individual contributor role. Yes, I wanted to leave leadership. I felt strongly that part of my career was over.
Two, I wanted to go into HR consulting despite how impossible that felt due to my mostly nonprofit HR background. My husband agreed this could be the right move since I obviously enjoyed change and variety. I focused as much time as I could connecting with my network to discuss potential career moves.
In an unbelievable turn of events, within a month one of my mentors emailed me about a local HR consulting role. Not only would the consultant work with nonprofit clients, but would cultivate more nonprofit clients. I immediately sent over my resume, and interviewed a couple days later. I met the team, and accepted the offer to join in early 2019.
I could not believe the turn of events. I had seemingly manifested this consulting role. It was incredible.
What’s Wrong Now?
For the first couple of years, HR consulting was a great fit for me. I had a ton of autonomy, flexibility to make my own schedule, variety in how I used my expertise with various clients, and I was earning more money (often a big concern when leaving leadership)!
When the COVID pandemic began our business was hit hard. My hours were cut. I was lucky to have a job. During this period of uncertainty and flux, my attitude towards work grew more negative. At the time, I blamed the company for my negativity and unhappiness.
As business smoothed out in 2021, I realized my frustrations with the company was just the tip of the iceberg.
My intuition was growing louder, “I don’t want to do this work anymore!” The harder I tried to push the feeling away, the louder it became. Frankly, I was very scared. I had worked so hard to transition into consulting. What do you mean, “I don’t want to do this work anymore?!” If I didn’t work in HR anymore, what in the world would I do!? If I wasn’t happy in this role, what in the world would make me happy?
I shoved the feelings down and worked harder, to convince myself I was where I needed to be.
Over the next couple of months, we had a personal situation (saying goodbye to our first dog) happen where I decided to cut my hours at work to about 25 per week. I figured this would give me the space I needed to feel better about work, as well more time to deal with an emotional situation. However, the opposite happened. I’d find myself gazing off while at work, thinking, “Why am I here? What am I doing? I don’t want to do this.”
I started having conversations with my husband about how I felt. The conversations weren’t new, but were scarier for both of us. What would I do? How could I not know what I wanted to do? How could I not work? In my heart I knew I needed space to figure out what was next. But, people don’t just give themselves space, I told myself. They WORK while figuring it out!
We agreed I should do whatever I felt I needed to do, even if that included taking a longer break from employment.
Discovering Other Options
In early 2022, I was stuck in all-or-nothing thinking. I only saw two options: push through the feelings and keep working, or quit.
My therapist helped me accept that I wanted to make space from work, one way or another. She asked if I could take a leave of absence. I had not considered this bold move! I submitted a LOA request to my manager. She responded almost immediately, approving a 60-day unpaid leave of absence/sabbatical, starting in April 2022.
Having 60-days off work was simply incredible. We took a 4-week trip out west to places like Badlands National Park and Rocky Mountain National Park in our RV, something we dreamed of doing in the far future.
As June approached I mentally prepared to return to work. I wasn’t as reenergized as I had hoped about work, and wondered if it was time to quit. However, through discussion with my manager, I agreed to return on an as-needed basis, working no more than 10-15 hours per week. I’d also spend more time doing the type of work I enjoyed most, like coaching. I figured there was no harm in testing how this arrangement felt if the company was agreeable. In my logical brain, the arrangement was a good compromise. I would keep my job and some income, while having space to explore other interests.
The summer months passed. I spent time training our puppy, continued therapy, slept better, moved my body more consistently, and worked several hours each week. With the extra “space” I finally took the leap to buy the domain for FI Venturers. For years I had the tiny idea to create a blog to share our adventures. Now seemed like a great time to test it out. Starting the blog was a great reminder of what it feels like to be a beginner, which was oddly exciting and refreshing.
I was able to dedicate time to the parts of my life I valued most.
Time of Death
As we wrapped up a fall RV trip to New River Gorge National Park and Preserve, the thought of work loomed over my head. When we returned I was scheduled to kick off with a new client for HR support . The thought of this felt terrible. I couldn’t envision myself going through with this meeting.
This is when I truly realized I could no longer push through. I knew my heart was no longer in it. If I met the client I would get attached, and put a ton of pressure on myself to be the “perfect” HR person. I didn’t want to do this work anymore!
Finally, I realized I had to listen to myself. Enough was enough.
I tried so hard to make things work. I had changed jobs over the years, cut back my hours, taken a leave of absence, worked even less afterwards, pursued other interests; I had hoped and wished and prayed I could hold on to even a sliver of this career that was my identity for 15 years…
But it was time to quit.
So, I ripped the band-aid off. I quit my job.
Join me next week as I share what I’ve learned since quitting my job.
Badlands NP
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