I Hit the Big 4-0: 5 Pieces of Advice for my Younger Self

I hit another milestone… My 40th birthday was yesterday! I know birthdays are really just another day, but it’s difficult for me not to reflect.

People love to ask, what advice would you give your younger self?

I thought it would be fun to share my top five pieces of advice for my younger self from where I am today.

1. Learn to distinguish what you want vs. what you think you should want

When I think of some of my most difficult challenges and stumbling blocks, I’ve come to realize a big part of the issue was my inability to distinguish what I wanted from what I thought I should want.

For example, when I finally sat back and pulled apart my thoughts on my dissatisfaction in my last HR leadership role, I realized I was doing what I thought I should do (assuming it would make me happy) instead of what I wanted to do.

No matter the aspect of your life, figure out what you truly want instead of what you think you should want. Then, go after it one small step at a time.

2. You’re already sick of hearing it but taking care of your body and overall health is key to living your best life

I know, you’re tired of hearing this… “Blah, blah, blah.” I was young once too (lol) and thought the same thing, I’m fine. I do some exercise, I try to watch what I eat, I try to get sleep, whatever.

One of the most important, impactful books I read this year was Peter Attia’s Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity. I highly recommend this book if you want a better understanding of why your health today is so important, as well as actions you can take that will positively impact your overall health in years to come.

Simply, be more intentional about taking care of your body and your health. It only gets harder to maintain your overall health as you get older. Truly, this concept will sneak up on you.

As you age it is harder to maintain your body weight and a certain level of strength, and to eat in ways that supports your overall health.

Specifically, here are some health related items I wish I’d done a lot sooner:

• Wear sunscreen, at least 30 SPF. Related, see a dermatologist annually to have your skin checked for changing/new moles and other spots on your skin. This will not be a cheap visit, but it’s helpful to have an established relationship with a dermatologist. Pro-tip: while you’re there, talk to the doctor about a prescription retinoid (or other appropriate creams/RX) to help keep your skin looking great!
• Stop wearing shoes that don’t fit and don’t properly support your feet. Supporting evidence: I’ve been dealing with plantar fasciitis since February this year, and I’m still in pain after several different (expensive) types of treatments. It’s super frustrating to be unable to hike, walk, etc. as much as I want to due to literal pain every time I take a step.
• Stop considering moving your body (exercise, workouts–whatever you call it) as punishment. Set aside what you think you should do and find activities you truly enjoy. I love walking, hiking, lifting weights, and have found Peloton classes a fabulous way to support my physical health.
• Stretching, yoga, and lower impact activities still count as moving your body and are just as important as high intensity activities.
• Strength training is really important for your overall health.
• Pay attention to your dental health. Floss your teeth. Do you know how much dental work costs? It’s damn expensive, even with insurance. Take care of your teeth and avoid all the pain and steep financial costs of root canals, crowns, etc. Again, I speak from personal experience.
• Go to your annual check up and have your blood/glucose levels checked. Make small changes to your diet as needed based on the test results after speaking with your doctor.
• Work on your relationship with food and alcohol.

3. Identify your core values and revisit them periodically

I talked about a values exercise earlier this year, and wish I had done this much earlier in my life.

In my experience life decisions get much easier and clearer when I know my core values. I think I knew subconsciously freedom was my top value. But to go through an entire page of potential values and pick out the ones that were most important was eye-opening. The values exercise also helped me understand some of my feelings towards work that I had struggled with in the past. Most importantly, knowing my top value is freedom is a guiding light when it comes to decision making.

Knowing my values helps me live more in alignment with them. And side note: knowing my husband’s top values is helpful too.

I used this list from Brene Brown, but there are tons of resources out there.

4. Learning to balance “YOLO” with your personal finances is a superpower

Maybe balance is the wrong word. Rarely are we perfectly balanced when it comes to things we want to do and our financial constraints.

However, having a clear picture of your finances will increase your likelihood of being able to say yes to YOLO (you only live once) opportunities that come your way. Not only that, but having your finances in order will give you more options in general.

Find yourself unexpectedly in a toxic job that is draining the life out of you? If you’ve got a financial safety net built you can walk away without having to have another job lined up.

Can’t shake the feeling of wanting to take a year off to travel with your family? Having cash reserves may help you get over the hump to make your dream a reality.

Have an incredible job opportunity in a place you’ve always wanted to move to? Your financial safety net will help you make the move!

Trust me, it’s good to have options. Attend to your finances in a way that allows you to explore those options.

5. Learn about boundaries and use them

I’m sure we can all think of relationships we’ve had that were unhealthy and negatively impacted our mental health. For me I’ve struggled for years with my mom. From a young age we had a difficult relationship.

One common theme I identified is a lack of boundaries.

You can read more about boundaries here.

Over time I’ve realized how important boundaries are because they help us establish guard rails for what is acceptable in our relationships.

My advice: learn about boundaries and use them relentlessly and unapologetically.

There you have it, my top 5 pieces of advice for my younger self.

What advice would you offer to younger folks? Tell me in the comments!

Related Blog Posts:

• Reflecting on the One Year Anniversary of Quitting My Career
• Key Takeaways After Five Years of Pursuing Financial Independence
• Purpose of Life: What’s It All For, Anyway?